Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Guns vs. Women

Top 10 Reasons Men May Prefer Guns Over Women….

#10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

#9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you’re on the road.

#8. If you admire a friend’s gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

#7. Your primary gun doesn’t mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

#6 . Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

#5. A gun doesn’t take up a lot of closet space.

#4. Guns function normally every day of the month.

#3. A gun doesn’t ask,”Do these new grips make me look fat?”

#2. A gun doesn’t mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

And the number one reason a gun is favored over a woman….

#1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN !!

Coffee

I thought this was just really cool !
I want one!

New Outhouse

Women are so touchy about these things...

4x4 Neon

I am sure this impresses the ladies.
Wonder how much money is invested in this car...if it is more than $25 they wasted their money.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Warning!!!

But aren't all women crazy?
So this must be a sign for homosexuals.

Protect your wand

If you are worried about Hogwarts then her chamber must not be that secret!

Keeping Healthy!


I am just doing my part to keep us men and lesbians healthy!
And I am feeling healthy now!

Monday, September 28, 2009

Nothing

I am sure this will make somebody mad....oh well you will get over it.
I had to counter balance the cute kitty and gerbil.
With the amount of money the groups asking for donations spend on camera crews and advertisments...I bet they could feed people to.
Sorry but these ads don't work on me, so I find this to be funny.

Just a little closer...

You can almost hear the fwooooomp as he gets pulled in.
Poor gerbil, but a cat has to eat!

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Cow and Wife

A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around His throat.

Naturally the doctor asked him, ” What happened to you ?”

” Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture.”

“We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at it’s rear end.”

” I walked over, lifted it’s tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife’s monogram on it – stuck right in the middle of the cow’s butt “

Still holding the cow’s tail up, I yelled to my wife, ” Hey, this looks like yours ! “

” I don’t remember much after that”.

via

Friday, September 25, 2009

Guys rules

A lot of women will only partially get this.
But every man, says "YUP! Just like that!"

No.1 at Baiting

So many people, including myself make dumb jokes about being the best at baiting a hook.
Makes us Master Baiters... But some genius made a store out of it!
BRAVO!!! Many kudos to your entrepeneurial idea...bonus big word there!
Now I have to buy a t-shirt.

Just Fred

A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.

'Fred,' he replies.

'Fred what?' the officer asks.

'Just Fred,' the man responds.

The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.

The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'

The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.'
I was born Fred Dingaling. I know -- a funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time, so I stayed to myself, studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree,
so I was Fred Dingaling, MD.

After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school.. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through school, got my degree,
so then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS.

Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD,
so now I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS, with VD.

Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, with VD.

Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD
leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD.

Then the VD took away my Dingaling,
so now I am Just Fred.'

The officer walked away in tears, laughing.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Dog costume fail

I hate when people put costumes on animals...but I like the way this turned out.
Dog looks so pathetic it just makes it work that much better.

WTF of the week # 6

Not sure if this is a "furry" or what...whole different topic for some other day.
But wtf..seriously. There are really some wierd ass people out there.
The internet has made me wonder where our world will be in 30 years.

Toothpaste

So WRONG!
Yet so damn funny!!
Gives that special white glow to your teeth.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Donations

I have just had a call from a Charity, asking me to donate some of my clothes to starving people.

I told them to Fuck off!!

Anybody who fits into my clothes is not starving!!

Clean Art.

Every parent and roommate in the world, has thought of this piece of art.
It is so beautiful.
Lets have a moment of silence to appreciate the beauty of art.

Hillbilly Vasectomy

Hillbilly Vasectomy....

After their 11th child,
a hillbilly couple decided that was enough,
as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his
cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy
that could fix the problem, but that it was expensive.

'A less costly alternative, ' said the doctor,
'is to go home, get a cherrybomb, light it, put it in a beer can,
then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.'

The hillbilly said to the doctor,
'I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I don't see how
putting a cherry bomb in abeer can next to my ear is going to help me...'

'Trust me,' said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beercan.
He held the can up to his ear and began to count!

'1'

'2'

'3'

'4'

'5'

At which point, he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and
continued counting on his other hand.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Dangerous Drugs

Not much to say about this....pretty accurate for how crazy the prescription drugs are getting.
Family doctors really should not be prescribing the drugs they are, leave that to the psychologists who might know a little bit more about which drug is needed.

Dawn of the Dead isn't that far off...not so much by a comet...but from all the zombified people on psychotropic drugs.

Monday, September 21, 2009

What's Up

This one can be a shout out to my Airforce buddy as well!
Better make sure you post your pissed of replies as anonymous.
Also, dont make them too ugly then we will really start to wonder, don't want to be stuck in that phase between denial and anger. LMAO!

Military

I think I know someone who was in the Air Force...this seems pretty accurate.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

WTF of the week #5

If I thought the guy searching for Male Bovine sex was wierd, this one is right at the top of the wierdometer.
Even if it is just a complete setup...someone had to think of it. Some freaky ass people out there to be sure.

Nature's Rocket

I have to post the occasional fart joke...
I mean, come on..PERF is in the page title.
And what is funnier than an owl fart...
well lots of things, but it is still funny.
Whoooot!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Comb Overs

OK.
This could almost classify as a WTF... But, since I am bald, as you can see in my Avatar, which btw, looks alot like me, I have a bit to say.

Time for a short rant.
First things first... Same guy all three pics...I blurred the face, just in case.
I have a few questions for the comb over groups out there.
1) Who do you think you are fooling? Do you really think that anyone else looks at that and says..."hmm nice hair, good thing he isn't going bald"? which leads me to questions 2 and 3
2) Do you own a mirror? Can you really not see how ridiculous that looks?
3) Do you really think that makes you look younger?

RANT OVER
SHAVE YOUR FUCKING HEADS!!!!!!!

irritates me a little....if you didn't notice







G-spot

Seems I found that elusive little spot.
Been singing songs in a cartoon all this time.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

To the ONE person out there.

I was going through my Google Analytics today and found that someone was looking for a whole different kind of website, than mine.

So to this "person" I say :

"this is not the site you are looking for....Moooooove along now"

For the curious....
the person searched for "bovine sex with male"
I dont even want to KNOW what kind of site they are hoping to find.
But he does need to STEER clear of my site!
Gahhhhhh!

1,2,3,4, I declare a thumb war!

Nothing to say but LMAO!

Happy tree

That tree is really happy about taking care of the other tree.
Good tree.
Is that a little sap on the side of the knot?

Monday, September 14, 2009

For all you non smokers

So stop telling us about it...we get it!

Friday, September 11, 2009

Tattoos

I don't know that I would call this a fail...
I think it is funny as hell....
I would NEVER do it myself, but on someone else...funny as hell.

The USRSF

The Pentagon announced TODAY
the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the:

United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF)

These mostly Southern boys will be dropped off into Afghanistan and will be given only the following facts about the Taliban and terrorists:

1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music, or Jesus.
5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

The Pentagon expects the problem in Afghanistan to be over by Friday.

Applications are available at your local Wal-Mart sporting goods counter.

20 mph

That is good information! You'll put your eye out, kid!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

WTF of the week # 4

I really can't even begin to try to understand this.
Guess she digs cows and bees. Maybe she is a Steelers fan who owns a Gateway and just expresses it in her own way.
The goggles are a great touch though.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Men are happier

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

NICKNAMES:
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT:
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY:
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS:
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS:
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS:
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP:
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL:
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

Sorry.

I didn't post for a while, it was a busy weekend. Sorry.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Pole Dancing

I think this would make Sir-Mix-Alot flinch.
But yet I keep staring.....


Your getting old

Yeah I fit about...all of these.
Well most anyhow...but I do like # 16




Thursday, September 3, 2009

Fantasy Football

I still don't really get fantasy football. Guess I was one of the ones getting beat up.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

WTF of the week 3

You say you would like to work at our company?
Lets see here on your resume... Can hold 2 hockey pucks without hands...ok
High tolerance to pain...ok Had garage band that failed...check
Spend lots of time in tatto/piercing parlors...gotcha.
Sorry, try McDonalds...oh they wont hire you either....how about...no, really you have just limited yourself to Backyard Mechanic or tattoo artist...hope you know how to draw.

And PLEASE for the love of Pete...always where a condom, for the rest of your life!!!

PS. Love the horns...those will be wicked awesome in about 20 years!!!

Dogs and Cats

I wish this was in the parenting manual before having kids!
My first thought was...yeah but they smell bad...so do kids.
Cats leave a mess in the litterbox....so do kids on the toilet.
Dogs and cats shed...so do kids with the clothes.

Seems this is a very correct assesment.



Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Smoking is so glamorous

Not quite the ad you see on the billboards, but it is pretty acurate.

Then again, that is the place alot of importanat decisions are made.
Like it or not non-smokers, maybe if you didn't kick us out of your buildings you would be in on the decisions...hmmm...put that in your pipe and smoke it!

Hell's most wanted

There are a million different rants I can go on here...but i will keep it light.
I do have to point out a few problems with this poster though.
Sports Fans and Hypocrites....that rules out probably 80% of church going people.
Then lets tack in the money-lovers, masturbators, drunkards and child molestors...good-bye catholic church.
I will leave the rest unsaid.... Stupid People so stupid

Fat kids

I just laugh thinking of all of the chairs I have broken. Poor husky kids...It's just not right!
What kind of dick posts such a mean thing on his blog?