Friday, October 30, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Sean Murphy, an employee at Preuss Pets in Lansing, has unofficially broken a world record.
Murphy successfully managed to fit 16 Madagascar hissing cockroaches into his mouth for a total of 10 seconds Friday night at the Old Town pet store. The current world record is 11 cockroaches.
"My first thought was I can beat that" said Murphy. "Eleven doesn't seem like that many."
Murphy initially stopped at 12 cockroaches and waited the official 10 seconds, but then continued until he reached 16.
"I've never gotten it in one try so that was a big surprise," he said. "Let's see if anyone can match that within the next year and maybe next Halloween I'll shoot for 20."
Murphy is waiting for a response from Guinness World Records, which he expects in a matter of weeks.
"As far as an unofficial record, I have it." he said.
Congratulations!! you have given me the Heebie Jeebies for a week...WTF is wrong with you!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I would rather have 4 inch hockey pucks in my cheeks!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
The World's Shortest Fairy Tale
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl said, 'NO!'
And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.
I was ill with some mutant deadly super virus...if it keeps me in bed, then it must be the worst virus known to man...made of kryptonite or something.
But have no fear...I survived it, I know you were all on the edge wondering if I was ok.
Monday, October 12, 2009
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy.
He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from
and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from
He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the
The deputy says, "License and registration, please."
"What for?" says the lawyer.
The deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
Then the lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
"You still didn't come to a complete stop," says the deputy. "License and registration, please."
The lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
"The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that's the law.
License and registration, please!" the Deputy repeats.
Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop,
I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket.
If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."
"That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir," the deputy says.
At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts
beating the daylights out of the lawyer and says,
"Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?"
If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, then no one should have one.
If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat.
If a liberal is, he wants to ban all meat products for everyone.
If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his
A liberal wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.
If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly lives his life.
If a liberal is homosexual, he loudly demands legislated respect.
If a black man or Hispanic is conservative, he sees himself as independently
Their liberal counterparts see themselves as victims in need of
If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his
A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.
If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down.
If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A liberal wants any mention of God or religion silenced.
If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for
it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A liberal demands that his neighbors pay for his.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Friday, October 9, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
Friday, October 2, 2009
How To Get Your Wife To Climax – Irish Style
Some years ago, Paddy married an attractive woman, Maggie, half his age, in a small coastal Irish community.
After several months, Maggie complained that she had never climaxed during sex and according to her Grandmother all Irish women are entitled to a climax once in a while.
So, to resolve the problem and since there was no trustworthy doctor anywhere in the village, they went to see the Veterinarian.
The Vet didn’t have a clue, but he did recall how, during the hot summer, his mother and father would fan a cow that was having difficulty breeding, with a big towel.
This would cool her down and make her relax.
So the Vet told Paddy and Maggie to hire a strong, virile young man to wave a big towel over them while they were having sex. This, the Vet said, would cause the young wife to cool down, relax, then climax.
So the couple hired a strong young man from Dublin to wave that big towel over them as the Vet suggested.
After many efforts, Maggie still had not climaxed so they went back to the Vet.
The Vet said for her to change partners and let the young man have sex with her while Paddy waved the big towel.
They tried it that night and Maggie went into wild, screaming, ear-splitting climaxes, one right after the other for about two and a half hours.
When it was over, Paddy looked down at the exhausted young man and, in a boasting voice, said: “And that, me son, is how ya waves a towel.”