Monday, November 30, 2009

Sorry

I spent the last 6 days moving.
So I have not updated the posts, and on top of that my email changed so it took me 2 days just to get my access back.
But the posts will start up again!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Pussy Whipped

I used to call being whipped --- Keeping family harmony.
but this guy has taken it to plain old Pussy Whipped.
There is nothing he could say to convince anyone otherwise.
Not only the pink hat...but they are in the panty section of some store.
And he is the one holding the camera...whipped beyond whipped.

Man, grow a pair.

Dulcolax

You know they are working good, if this is what you see.
as the great George Carlin said "...you could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon..."

WTF of the week # 14

At this point, there is nothing more to be said...
Is that Annie Lenox?

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Is God real?

A young soldier was attending some college courses between Assignments .

He had also completed missions in
Afghanistan.

One of the courses had a professor who was a vowed atheist.

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in.

He Looked to the ceiling and flatly stated,

'God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform.

I'll give you exactly 15 minutes.'

The lecture room fell silent.

You could hear a pin drop.

Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, 'Here I am God. I'm still waiting.'

It got down to the last couple of minutes when the young soldier got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off the platform.

The professor was out cold.

The young man went back to his seat and sat there, silently.

The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence.

The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the soldier and asked,

'What the hell is the matter with you?

Why did you do that?'

Came the reply,


'God was too busy today protecting our soldiers who are protecting your right to talk stupid and act like an a jackass.

So, he sent me'



THIS IS GOOD, KEEP IT GOING

Eyes

Today I am feeling nicer, and might not post Eyebleach material.
I get totally captivated by women's eyes, and found this pic.
No idea who she is or what country she is in...but her eyes are just amazing.
Felt I should share in light of the back tittie post I did...I owe you all a much nicer picture to look at.

Heart Rate # 3

It really just doesn't get any better than that.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Pee in the Shower

People clean with ammonia...ammonia is in pee what is the big deal with peeing in the shower?
Now like George did on Seinfeld, thats a bit much in a shower full of people.
but in your own shower...sooo what....you do it before you wash anyhow.
I think most people do....they just refuse to admit it.
COME CLEAN ALL SHOWER PEE'ERs !

Shay Fail

Since I have failed my 2 avid followers by not posting in 3 days...I will start off with a bang.
How about some beautiful back titties!!!
Wonder how big the sweaty lint line is under them when you pick them up?

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

So sad


So this is what our society has become.
Very sad very selfish. Everyone in thier own little world.
I think I am going to go cry for society now.

Ok I'm done.

The Weekend

So sad, but so true.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Invisiblemanitus

I would throw in a buck on this one, just for creativity.
Very nice!

Bums should just learn to be creative, then they might get an extra buck or two.


Heart Rate # 2

Just doing my part yet again... Heartrate
For all of you men who just said ...wow, or mmmm

Your Welcome

Sexy stuff!

I mean DAAAMMMNNN...looking fine baby!!!
Showing us just the right amount of skin!
Wonder what would happen if the safety harness of a belt were released.
Knock that cart down the aisle...kids screaming, mothers hiding their babies.
Sooo fine!

Monday, November 16, 2009

Tornainbow

Sorry, language police...
Actually I am not sorry at all. But if this gets into the movie review section of a newspaper it will read...

Shay says, "Sorry, language..." dot dot dot is a great thing for masking the real story.

"This movie was wonderful..." really, "This movie was wonderfully bad, it would have been more fun poking my eyes out with fishhooks!"

Kinda went off topic...

Shay says "Sorry..."

Ayyyyy...

Would have never guessed there were such things.
I can't make too much fun here...my kids have blackmail pics from when I was 13 and had socks pulled up to my knees with shorty shorts on...
So.... Love the socks!

Friday, November 13, 2009

Bug of the week # 3

Goliath Bird-Eating Spider/Tarantula
Theraphosa blondi



"Hey Blondi" sorry had to fall into one of my favorite movies for a second....5 Points to whoever can name that movie. (hint: Blondi is not referring to a girl) and IF you are wondering why I even thought of Blondi...check the name of the spider at the top of the post.

The big bad ass bird eating bug..boy, big and burly..but being bitten would bite big balls, being barely bigger than a plate...bothers me. ok I will stop...

First the facts...Goliath bird-eaters are the world's largest species of tarantula. Tarantula is a generic name for hairy spiders. This hairy spider has a leg span of 12 inches (30.5 cm) across, or about the size of a dinner plate or small pizza, and they can weigh 2.5 ounces (70 g).

I saw one of these in a pet store once...they are about cool as hell. Not sure I would own one, but damn cool. We watched it eat a live mouse...sweet. Funny thing is, these do even remotely freak me out the last weeks BoW. Does not mean I want to hold one, but they are very interesting to watch.



So wrong..

Wrong on a million levels.
Before you were a twinkle in Mommy's eye...
You were Daddy's little squirt.

Pumpkin Pie Maker

I never knew that was how they made pumkin pie!

Ok I know Halloweenie time is done..but c'mon it is funny.

Last pumkin post, for this year....maybe.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

WTF of the week # 13

If it is either guy or girl...blehhhhhhh...doesn't matter.
Not much else I can say...ahh these tweezers should be just sharp enough to poke my eyes out.

A Plan

So many people I have met with "little man's disease" should take heed to this advice.
Quit thinking you have to prove you are tough...no one cares.
And the big guy at the bar you wish to talk trash to...even if you beat him down...no one cares.
It won't get you any women...won't get you paid more at the tire store you work at either.
Just watch or read (if you can) "Of Mice and Men"
Curly does not win in the end.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

TEN!!!

Ten !
Ten people with no lives following my blog....
Ah..ah....ahhhhhh

Which reminds me...if you have NOT seen the count song on youtube...you must watch it because it is about funny as hell!

Parenting

Do they make one big enough for a 16 year old??
It would have to include a ballgag.
Terrible two's....pffffftttttttt
I would take terrible two's, ten times over before terrible teens.
Two year olds are eeeeasy in comparison...

Parking

It might take a minute...
Do you get it yet?
Even though I hate bumper stickers...this one struck me funny.
I really want a bumper sticker that says "I hate bumper stickers"

Walmart folks # 3

She might...but I kind of doubt he does.
Wearing that shirt with your kids with you...classy!
The three rolls of back titties just have to be a turn on for the one behind...
If he is into cats or something that have 6 teats.

Monday, November 9, 2009

18 year evolution

Pretty dang accurate too.
Now I am scared to get a flat screen tv. That might make me fatter.
If I buy an old school one, maybe I will lose weight...yeah that's the ticket!

Heart Rate


I am so sorry...I feel like I have been the reason for the decline in men's health.
I did not do my part in the last few weeks for raising pulses and helping out our hearts.

Again my sincere apologies!

Train Ride

Sitting together on a train, travelling through the Swiss Alps , were an English guy, a Scottish bloke, a little old Greek lady, and a young blonde Swiss girl with large boobs.


The Train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap.


When the train emerges from the tunnel, the English guy has a bright red, hand print on his cheek.

No one speaks.

The old Greek lady thinks:
The English guy must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she slapped his cheek.

The blonde Swiss girl thinks:
That English guy must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old Greek lady and she slapped his cheek.


The English guy thinks:
That Scottish bloke must have groped the blonde in the dark she tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.


And the Scottish bloke thinks:
I can't wait for another tunnel, just so I can slap that English bastard again.....

John Deere

Not real sure HOW or WHEN it happened...but John Deere and a brand name?
I am embarassed for rednecks over this one...embarassed that I live in a redneck area because of this.
If the colors were descent it may be different...but have to sport green and yellow while wearing a tag that represents TRACTORS?
For real?
Seriously?
I know teens in the area asking thier parents for a John Deere hat and shirt for Christmas..
What?!?

Anyway...Yuns gotchoo a nahce car thar. Ah wish mine was so suhweet!!
Yarta see the sahze of the buck I kilt for the horns!

Friday, November 6, 2009

Bug of the week # 2

The ALMIGHTY FLORIDA COCKROACH.


Anyone who knows me, knows that this is some sort of sick, self mental mutilation.
I cannot begin to describe how much I hate these bugs.
I grew up in Tampa and you can't escape the "Palmetto Bugs" or "cockroaches" or "Nasty ass, heat seeking, flying demons from hell" whatever you want to call them.

Here in Tennessee...the locals who have never been to Florida or New York, have absolutely no idea how big these things get. They have little German cockroaches here...which is like putting a Leer jet next to a Boeing 747 and saying it is the same. I don't knock the nastiness of the German cousins...they are still roaches...still nasty...but you can flick one away and it is dead.
If you went to flick one of the Florida monsters...you would be lucky to still have your hand when you were done.

German minis don't fly either.

For those who cannot get the perspective in the photos...the Palmetto bug averages 1.75 inches in length..does not count the 6 foot antennae. I have found them upwards of 3 inches.

Did I mention they FRICKING FLY !

The movie "Joe's Apartment" was horrifying for me...yet for some sick reason I watched the whole movie 3 times over a few years. I guess it is like people who are afraid of clowns watching "It".

Oh and not only do they fly...they fly AT YOU!

If you turn your back and run..they will be on your shoulder waiting for you to stop..then they will wave a little hello at you with their antennae.
Of course at that point it is very fun for all those around to watch the 6'4" 300lb man turn into a screaming 6 year old.
Arms flailing as I rip my shirt off and scream in circles for about 10 mins...
Then, with every nerve ending in my body standing at full attention on high red alert, I fight the heebie jeebies for the next 6 hours.

THEY F**KING FLY!!!!

TN German pansy ass mini bugs...pfffft...
I will stay in TN, there are no prehistoric monster gargantuan roaches from the pits of hell, here.

Unattended Children

If only we could...
Great sign!
problem is that most parents anymore would just scoff at it, and let their rats run around and tear stuff up...and of course it wouldn't be their problem.


Thursday, November 5, 2009

Your son.

I am guessing that his son is a teen...
Up til then, sons are fantastic and fun and cute. Then they develop a mouth...ahhh the beauty of duct tape. Good for ripping off that "almost a moustache" and for silencing them.
You would think after the 4865th time of saying..."boy, you should shut up now" they would learn to not say "ok"
"don't say another word"
"alright...god"
"one more...and I smack you!"
"ok..."
SMACK!!!!
"what the heck?!?"
"I warned you plenty of times"
"but, i didn't do anything"
SMACK!!!!
then a few hours of PISSED OFF.
3 years later and still they keep on.


Yoda

Badass...he is.
Of the Star Wars newest 3 movies...the most memorable part...Yoda kicking ass!!!

WTF of the week # 12

I believe this one is a photoshop...but to whoever made the photoshop...why??????
I am a sick man...there is no doubt...but never would I spend my time creating this.
If I am sick and/or demented then the creator of this pic should be institutionalized.
You are evil!!
Ok now someone pass me the eyebleach.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Ouch!

If this is real...wow.
Sucks to be Steven.
Hey Steven...try faithfulness...it costs a lot less.

For the ladies...

Oh man, the amount of women this guy is impressing right now, has to be staggering.
Matter of fact I think I am a little turned on myself....nothing says how cool you are than a tattoo on your arm of an arm with a muscle you wish you had.
Yeah baby yeah...the awesomeness is so overwhelming!!!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Walmart folks # 2

Did she not know??
Really??
Miss I dropped this quarter...can you get it for me? Then all the little kids look over and faint.

Freaked me out.

This one here actually came as close as any ever could to the "Shit Bricks" thing for me.
I think a pebble came out later that night.

Any how, you will notice the guy on the left...the woman on the right, with the big hat.
Then...you can see Jesus's head, very big and in the middle....if you want to think of it that way...could just be a bearded guy with long hair...either way...you can see it.

It is actually a kid on the guys knee. The kid is wearing a white hat and white t-shirt. The eye of "Jesus" is the kids face. He is wearing a paddington style white hat...

Keep looking you will see it eventually.

This is probably one of the only one of these type photos, that made me say HOLY CRAP!

Monday, November 2, 2009

What has two cheeks and flies

Nasty but fricking funny... How bad does your ass have to smell???
Go wipe please!!!!
If they farted..would more flies come or would these, already here, drop dead?
LMAO!!!

Political

Now this is a political message I can get behind...LOL
I think PETA could actually be a great orginization if they would pull their heads out of their asses and think and use common sense once in a while.

Language

Need to teach my son this language!