Thursday, September 30, 2010

Moobs.

Everyone can thank Yolo for this one...it was the comment that made me decide to put it up.
I don't want the blame for posting moobs.
I just hope it is photoshopped for Danica's sake.  Otherwise why would she even agree to do that.
Poor Itchyrabiddog...he will have a whole new outlook on his dream girl.
But then again, if she is willing to sign moobs, she apparently  has no bounds, you may just have a shot....

Where is he now?

Yeah Mark it was a scam alright...
I saw him in one movie since Star Wars and it wasn't even B rated.  More like S rated for Sorry ass movie.
And it seems Mr. Ford has done one or two hit movies since.
In the immortal words of Nelson from the Simpsons to Mark AHH HAH!!!!

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Farting Preacher


Since I am on a fart kick...here is a video.
Farting Preacher has been around for a looong time, but it is still funny!

Need to fart

So true....
They did leave out...
During prayer in church.
While in a meeting.
When talking to your boss..
etc...

Crips or Bloods?

"I am a nightmare walking, psychopath talking
King of my jungle just a gangster stalking
Living life like a firecracker quick is my fuse
Then dead as a deathpack the colors I choose"
"C-colors, colors"

I don't think these guys are what Ice-T was singing about.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Life before the PC

I feel old now. 
Kids today will not remember the days before the PC.
Waaaaay back when you have to even cook soup on a stove.
And the 27" console TV that you have to lay on the floor to get the good view...meant your parents were doing well.
If you had a TV in your room, it was a 13" black and white, and your friends were jealous.
Ahhh the old Commodore 64 hooked up to the TV...those were the days.

Monday, September 27, 2010

It is time...

Guess I should clean my home office now...I have a job!
Not real sure how this will affect my posting, may even have me posting more, who knows.

Who the hell could possibly let a computer room look like that?!?
Seriously, the smell alone would piss off the neighbors.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Kissing girls

Dude....why are you so excited??
Your not gonna get any...you will just spend that evening imagining what might have been while Jill works you over.
Like most guys think, yes it is a great fantasy but, reallity is usually a whole lot different.  Judging the way this guys looks along with these two girls, the absolute best he could hope for would be to watch and nothing more.
Assuming they let him in a room with them, which they probably would not, they would soon realize that he is just in the way.  Guys it looks great and flawless in the movies, but reality is something completely different.

If you manage to talk your girlfriend into doing this, be ready for the consequences...she may like it more than she likes you...then you had a good 10 minutes of fantasy come true, but the rest of the time to ponder what went wrong.

Friday, September 24, 2010

The finger

If only I had seen this 2 years ago!
I could have made one of these in my old job...and hook it to a switch by the dashboard.
Oh the possibilities....just flip the switch and nuff said.

I could use this for that special person with no backbone.
Yarta know this uhhhhh finger is uhhhhhh for you raght thar!  And the other one you can't see is doing the same to the wanna be ninja...it is a ninja finger that only a red power ranger ninja can see.

I know a lot of you are saying WTF?!?! ..but the few who know what I am referring to, get it.
Inside post...instead of inside joke.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Men and drinking

I know it is a lot for a couple of my followers to read...but it is worth it...HEED THE WARNING!
If you can not see the text then click the pic for a bigger one.

Wow the word 'heed' looks strange when typed out.

Anyway I found this to be very clever and amusing...but it left out the pregnancy look men can get as well, and some even develop man boobs.
Be warned men!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

LOL Urinal

Some of us need this installed at home.
Since all guys are so secure in the look and size of the "giant man meat!" we need a little humility to keep us down a bit...or is that just me?
Just kidding...relax...I am very proud of my millimeter peter.
I am being modest...centimeter peter.
It is why I drive a Focus instead of a giant 4x4 truck or a corvette.
Anyway..I just went down a way to personal road for you all...cya tomorrow

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Almost made it

This one really would not have made the Heartrate section anyway.
The question in my mind, is did she really not see the reflection before she posted it somewhere?
Or maybe it was posted by a disgruntled boyfriend or ex-husband.  Either way...thank you for giving us a few laughs!

Monday, September 20, 2010

Remove Child

Similar to the warning on every McDonalds drive through window of  "Coffee is Hot". 
Makes me wonder how many idiots had to take thier child to the emergency room for a pinched arm or smashed leg because they forgot to take them out of the stroller before they folded it up.
Then, how many of those same clowns had the nerve to get a lawyer and try to sue the company for not having that written in the instructions.

Truth is...if you are so dumb as to fold your child up in the stroller, then the odds are pretty high that you can not read.

WARNING: if you read the text under the photos on this blog...you may laugh or get pissed off.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

uhhh...what now Jethro

Duuuhhhhh, Ah thaink we found sum water Jethro.
Yup Bubba, it shure looks lahk it.
Whut now?

Thanks guys for making the redneck stereotype...dead on!
As if the whole thing of being in a truck in a lake is not redneck enough, but the stupid grins on thier faces just add that extra bit of derp.

I love hearing people say to me..."I just can't believe how stupid some people are"
Start surfing pictures on the internet, and you will no longer think that way...

They just keep showing up

I do not even go looking for these pics, but I keep finding them.
At first I thought this was just someone being silly, then I noticed the coins glued on as well.
Thank you for adding credence my previous post.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Heart Rate #17

Not so much to keep me healthy today, but to lower the blood pressure.
The stripes really do seem to add an effect.
I know it may be photoshopped, the neck looks strange if you get that far, but who cares.
Just plain wow!

To the troll

Ok after my last reply to the troll who commented on my Zest soap post, I feel I need a bit of a disclaimer post.

I just want everyone to know that I more than welcome comments...feel free to say you don't like something or you think I am awesome.  The later being more frequent I am sure.  Please everyone comment more...I like 99% of them even if they say I need to get off my ass and post more...or that post was great....anything you feel like typing.

Buuut, if you post similar to what Anonynmous did...then I will have to say something in return.  Not because he disliked what I said, or thinks my blog is lame...only for one reason alone did I feel the urge to show my professional sarcasticist self...it was a stupid trollike comment, meant to get a rise out of me for no other reason than to see me irritated. 
I am really not even sure if I am using the "troll" term corectly here or not...but that is how I see it.

So in summary: if you want to tell me I am an idiot--feel free, just please do so in an intelligent way.  This does not mean to try using big words either...this means make a comment that is witty or smart or something other than...."lay off the crack" --- my son at 12 had better things to say than that.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Soap

OK so this will be a weird post...but it is my blog so if you don't like it...well you know.

I realized today, while taking a shower, a very strange thing I have done since...forever.  Get your minds out of the gutters and stay with me here.
Depending on which bar of soap I use...and I always have used bars because I hate body wash, as I believe a lot of guys do...I sing the stupid commercial in my head or out loud.  Every Time!
When I was a kid I would always smell the Coast soap and say "eye opening" 
Then I used Irish Spring for 20+ years and would do the whole "Clean as a Whistle" and sometimes even whistle.
For the last two months I decided to switch to Zest...and now I am "Zestfully clean" with every single shower...this one is in my head though never said it out loud...but I do it every time.

Seems the soap marketers of the old days, knew what the heck they were doing with the jingles they wrote.
30 years later I am still singing the stupid jingles in my head.
Maybe it is just me, I will never know because people like to look at me like I am an idiot before they admit something they might think the masses think is strange.  But hey! that is who I am...as I wrote in my profile.

At the least, I hope any of you who read this and didn't used to sing before....start now, then my work is going well.

Pierced tree

I guess in Texas they do like them big.
That is one big hoop in the tree.
Why would they pierce a tree I don't get it.
I am guessing they were trying to make it look like something, I just can't figure out what.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Dial your phone

Anyone under the age of 20 probably does not know why they cal it 'dialing' a phone.
So now here is a new cell to show them!
ziiiiiip...click click click click.....ziiiiiiiip click click click....and they have no idea what that means either.

Aaaaachoooo

Very similar to something, that someone I know, did while golfing.
We all can laugh now, wondering who had the unfornutate job of cleaning three seperate stalls, since the velocity was that high.

At least I laughed.

It is that kind of day

You know it right when you wake up.
You drop the cap to the milk, spilling coffee, spoon falls out of your hand.
You forget three different things on the way to the car, after searching for 15 minutes for your car keys.
You mispell every other word while making a blog post.

Ahhh the good old days of when the worst thing that happend was that you discovered the fruit punch Capri Sun was clear and not red, when you poured it out into a glass. Then it didn't taste as good. If you could not drink it out of the cool foil space pack, it was just not the same.

Also, what the hell happened to cool prizes in the bottom of cereal boxes?!?

Monday, September 13, 2010

Stereotypes

Seems I will be on a stereotype rant for a few posts.
This guy makes me want to punch him in the effin face!
It is assholes like him which get thier wives believing that all guys/dads are like this.
Some of us do not play video games while feeding our infant kids, we wait until they go to bed or they grow up and are at least 13+ then they can play with us.

And as much as the stereotypical woman hates video games...what is the difference in Father/Son/Daughter bonding whether it be a game or fishing...they are still spending time together... BUT ONLY WHEN THEY ARE OLD ENOUGH.

Some of us change our babies diapers, and don't hit women and don't hold the fricking bottle while playing a game!

I hope this photo was taken by the wife just before leaving him and using it to get more child support. When she leaves you dickhead you can play all you want.

Man up and be a father!

Rant over.

DYNAM #5

Who knew that pajama bottoms could work as a top too.
I kind of feel like this should not be in the DYNAM section because she is obviously senile, at least for her sake, I hope that is the excuse.
I can't even begin to know what my reaction would be to see her in real life.
I am sure a tune would be humming in my head.
Do they wobble to and fro, can you tie them in a knot, can you tie them in a bow?

Just plain WOW!

BTW since it has been a while---DYNAM --- Do You Need A Mirror.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

I need this

I had to post another "Awwwww" picture.
I am truly sorry to those who think less of me for posting these kind of pictures,
But after my last few posts, and the pictures I have for my next few posts, which will get my blood boiling to exceptionally high levels when I rant on them...I need a cute moment.

Big sigh.....
You understand it is the counter-balance Lex Luther/Superman type stuff.

Besides...these damn prairie dogs are fricking CUTE!!!

Friday, September 10, 2010

Knew it wouldn't take long

20 mins after the puppy post I find this picture....For those of you who had no idea what I meant by Double Deuces...there they are....I am so Ebonified linguistically.

.......Anyway....I feel I have to post a comment and my reply from the other post:

Anonomys wrote:

Really? Really? Comon... They are just expressing themselves... Didn't you used to wear parachute pants back in the 80s or feather your hair back in the 70s?

The really sad thing is, if you or I were caught with a box of Fruity Pebbles around our necks we would be laughed right out of the store or cold cocked for being queer asses.



So I replied:

You can not compare parachute pants and Member Only jackets or even popped collars...while yes they are expressing yourself and were pretty damn retarded in hindsight. To me that is the same as rainbow stickers, sideways hats, cowboy boots, and baggy ass clothes, which I may not be a fan of these things but they are tolerable, since they are expressing... but I am talking about extremes.



I hope my reply may have cleared some stuff up...like I am old...I remember Member's Only...and yes I owned 2 pairs of parachute pants and did feather my hair...probably at the same time!

Puppies and Kitties

After the previous post, I figure I need to lighten up a little bit. But have no fear it will pass in a few hours and I am sure I will rant again soon enough.

Aww puppies and kitties!
Take that Garfield!
Have some smelly, puppy teabag action!
Odie would be proud.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Gotta have a small rant

Could have classified this as a WTF of the week, but it really does not fit my usual DubyaTeeEffs.
Could have even gone under the not so used DYNAM...no....this one is special to me.
I do have to start off with a WTF!?!?
I am not trying to be racist at all here but it does seem that this, food name brand thing, is primarily involved with a certain ethnicity. I have seen pics of gold chains with Rice Krispies, Frosted Flakes and Fruity Pebbles (seen below)

I have also seen in my Redneck home town...a 90's Caprice Classic painted royal blue with Tony the Tiger across the hood and Frosted Flakes written all over the cars. I have also seen one other cereal car, but I cannot remember what it was right now, I think Rice Krispies...not sure.

Why?!?!?
What on earth is making them spend money to advertise, my best guess is, their favorite food?
Is this some retarded status thing?
When I saw the Oreo hair, I yelled at the Internet, saying WTF possesed you to do that, and she probably paid big money for that stupid ass looking haircut to advertise a fricking cookie. Are you kidding me...get a grip and quit making a stupid spectacle of yourself.

People---and I say people, because this includes all races and sexual prefferences and whatever else falls into the anyone category---If you want your equal rights and do not want so much crap dumped on you, then quit being an embarassment to the rest of your group.

Rednecks quit being stupid and blowing your fingers off with firecrackers and hanging rebel flags everywhere and being racist assholes, and then the white groups won't be stereotyped.

Flamers and bulldykes quit over-doing your crap to get attention and then gay folks may not be so stereotyped.

Gansta ghetto folks quit being as rediculous as above and you will help the black community stop being stereotyped.

The list continues but I have pissed myself off, so I am done for tonight.

rant over.

The voices

That explains the voices in my head!!!
If it is too small to read, then maybe you have done it to where you need glasses and you better stop before you go blind...also you can click the picture to make it bigger.
No, clicking that will not make IT bigger...only the picture.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Finger graph

The beauty of this is that the graph is an image in itself.
Im not a big pointer of fingers while driving, but this still strikes me as pretty funny.
Seems a lot of people on the road lately are way to tense, and they show me that I am number one occasionally.

thanks guys! I appreciate that!!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Heart Rate #16

In light of the previous post I figured it was time for a Heartrate post.
Ahh Florida home of the hottest girls around!

Takes a double take

If it was not done on purpose...classic.
If it was...still pretty damn funny!

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Scaredy Cat

No longer hungry I can imagine.
Oh the sights he has seen....hello...hello...hello

Friday, September 3, 2010

WTF of the week # 28

They just keep getting better.

Figured this was appropriate since I am getting more tat work done in about 10 mins.
Also BTW got a temp job, nothing huge but a foot in the door, which is more than I have had in the last 3 months.

Thanks for your encouragement!

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Vanilla Ice

I love getting songs stuck in peoples heads.
Mahnamahna...dooo dooo doo doo doooooo

You are welcome!