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Did you realize I spent my early teens playing flash games? I’d frequent Newgrounds, spam the forums with worthless opinions (racking up a post count north of 20k), after which make use of the flash films/games as the icing about the teenage-annoyance cake. When the editor pushed Look at diepio game if interested for me, I found myself suspicious.

At the beginning, I figured to question: “How do you realize I accustomed to play flash games on Newgrounds?”, but thought he’d suspect something. Not only, basically if i was wrong, would he start carefully and systematically comparing Newgrounds general posts with my general awkward demeanor to track down younger me but, basically if i was right, he would know I had been on the bastard. Then a editor would foil my well being plans by occasionally whispering in my ear: “hey, keep this in mind gem of your Newgrounds general post…”, thus bit-by-bit destroying what little self-esteem I actually have left.

Like other narratives, I found myself asked who’s tale it had been. So, one splash of water around the face later, I realized it wasn’t a philosophical question of free-will but instead just asking me my name. Although, noticing this became a web-based multiplayer title, I was thinking I’d hide how I’d be examining this video game by using a critical eye as part of my job. So off I went. The tale of “NotAJournalist” had begun.

Naturally, similar to most free-to-play PvP titles, starts off with a whisper. You happen to be runt, the base of a pile, inside a bad world looking to shoot you in the back of the top. Or perhaps a small, circular tank floating amongst other shapes and other tanks. Thus I did the obvious thing: I blew through the squares, triangles and pentagons that hung out passively while dodging all of the circle with names on them. Yes, the aesthetic could possibly be recreated with MS Paint and the only thing that is certainly missing is Comic Sans.

Each level offered me deciding on a upgrade: Regen, health, bullet damage, bullet speed, rate of fire, bullet penetration, body damage (collision damage), and movement speed. Something that became immediately obvious was that in case I planned to live more than a youngster inside a paddling pool of concentrated hydrochloric acid, then I would need to pick regen eventually. Without them, I would be worn over time like said child from before.

Eventually, I leveled past the “spitball-n-straw” stage and was asked generally if i wanted a unit-gun, a sniper rifle, a dual-barrel assault rifle, or so as to shoot forwards and backwards while spinning madly like a ballistic hedgehog. Since I’m the sort of simpleton to perform as Soldier 57 on Overwatch, away from concern with confusion otherwise, I went with the assault rifle option on my own tank.

In the end, like most things, my time with stumbled on an end when I began picking fights with other players. In spite of the best damage output I could muster, by far the most speed, a sizable regen pool, and a lot more health than I knew how to deal with, other players were quickly able to put me during my place. I’d be chipping away at their cathedral of health with my toothbrush shiv and they’d just sweep me aside by having an almighty paw without noticing I ever existed.